


Lean On Me

by buskidsaos



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Red Room (Marvel), Team, Trust Issues, someone give Natasha a hug, team as a family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-19 10:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22009630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buskidsaos/pseuds/buskidsaos
Summary: Based off of a twitter prompt from @natisalive_Natasha comes back from a mission, mentally and physically exhausted. The last thing she wants to do is talk, but maybe it's what she needs.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Lean On Me

Natasha squinted in the bright fluorescent light of the hangar, wincing as she made her way off of the quinjet. She knew she was being stared at, but she didn't care. She had failed, and it had cost innocents their lives.

Her mission had been simple- rescue a room full of men and women, all engineers, that were being held hostage by Hydra. She was supposed to take out the officers that were standing guard outside the door so that a S.H.I.E.L.D tack team could flank in and rescue the hostages. 

The first two kills had been simple- as quiet as her namesake, she'd snuck behind them and snapped their necks silently, guiding their bodies to the ground. She didn't realize there was a third officer, coming around a corner after a coffee break. He'd set off some sort of alarm, and the next thing she knew, hundreds of gunshots echoed from inside the locked room.

The project the engineers were working on must have been secretive enough that Hydra was willing to murder them to keep it protected.

She was frozen, mind reverted back to watching girls her age and younger being killed for not besting their opponents in the Red Room. Before she knew it, the third officer was on her, and in the few moments she spaced out, he'd thrown her to the ground and slashed at her with a knife.

She flipped him over, of course, and slit his throat. She stood up shaking, blood dripping down her hands. It wasn't just the officer's blood.

The Black Widow didn't fail missions- she just didn't. There were too many sins to atone for. She couldn't afford mistakes. And now hundreds of people were dead- because of her.

It was 3 a.m when she finally finished her debrief of the mission. She waved off medical, telling Fury she could handle herself. He didn't bother to argue.

She walked aimlessly through the compound, too awake to go to her bed. She settled for cracking open a beer and embracing the silence of the deserted common room for a couple of hours before dawn.

Except it wasn't deserted.

Tony, Steve, Bruce, Clint, and Thor were lounged out on the couches, clearly wasted (except for Bruce, of course), and laughing (probably over some dumb thing Clint had done on a mission). They froze when Natasha walked in, expressionless and bleeding.

"Nat? You all right?" Steve said, standing up and walking towards her. She flinched away as her breath was caught in her throat. Much to their horror (and her's), she began to cry.

They weren't loud or shaky sobs, filled with the anguish she'd experienced that day. They were silent tears streaming down her face, her lip trembling, oblivious to the world around her. She didn't object as Steve put an arm around her and led her to the couch. Numbly, she rested her head on Clint's shoulder, wetting both of their shirts with her tears.

"What happened, Nat?" Steve said gently as Tony got up to get the first aid kit. Clint gave him a pointed look and shook his head, and Steve fell silent.

They sat there for a few minutes, quiet except for the occasional half-sob from Natasha. Bruce cleared his throat as Tony came back in with the first aid kit.

"Hey, Nat? You've got a pretty deep gash on your arm that I'm going to need to stitch up. Do you mind?" Natasha looked up at him, eyes red and swollen, but nodded. Steve moved over so that Bruce could get to work.

Natasha didn't flinch as Bruce put the stitches in- she'd been kicked, punched, shot and sliced too many times for something as minor as a needle to hurt. But Clint could feel her relax as Bruce tied off the thread. She gave a small sigh.

"Ready to talk?" Clint murmured, and she rubbed her eyes, nodding.

"I... it was an easy mission. I don't know how I managed to screw it up.." she muttered, staring off into space until Steve's hand on hers brought her back to reality.

"All I had to do was take out three Hydra officers. They were guarding a room where they had about 90 engineers hostage. I took out the first two, but didn't see the third. And by the time I saw him.. it was too late," she said, dissolving into silent tears again. Clint wrapped his arm around her, rubbing her back.

"Nat, it wasn't your fault." she looked up, surprised at Tony's words.

"Yeah. We've all screwed up before. We've all.... cost people their lives. It's part of the job," Steve said, but she shook her head.

"No. You don't... you don't get it. Joining S.H.I.E.L.D, becoming an Avenger, it was my way to fix the mistakes I've made. To do good for a change, because God knows I've messed up enough for more than one lifetime. I failed."

The boys looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Clint was the only person who really knew about Natasha's life in the Red Room. She didn't like talking about her past.

"I know nothing we say to you right now will make you believe it's not your fault. But what we can tell you is that nobody blames you- for your past, or for the present. I'll be telling you that until the day I die, Natasha," Clint said as she wiped a tear from her face. 

"Thanks," she mumbled, a ghost of a smile at her lips. Thor broke the silence.

"Natasha, you seem to be in need of a beer, and we happen to have several undrunk cans sitting here. Care for one?" she chuckled and nodded as he handed her one.

As Natasha sat there, surrounded by five completely hammered superheroes, she realized a strange sensation- something she'd never felt before. She felt good, but extremely vulnerable at the same time. Her eyes widened with realization.

For the first time in her life, Natasha Romanoff had depended on somebody besides herself. She hadn't shied away from her friends. She'd actually talked to them; a real conversation about scary things. She sat there, confused.

She wasn't sure if she liked getting help. It certainly wasn't something that she wanted to get used to. But she felt strangely happy, knowing that she had people in her life that were willing to listen to her. And maybe that was all she really needed.


End file.
